Carnage a Trois may be the point where I fall off the Grand Tour. On this day, exactly two years ago, I wrote about the new format of The Grand Tour in my review of The Grand Tour Presents: Seamen. Departing from its rather staid and boring rehash of Top Gear, Clarkson, May, and Hammond decide to just do a handful of adventure episodes (or “films” as they used to call it on Top Gear) throughout the year, apparently for shits and giggles.
Their first, the afroementioned The Grand Tour Presents: Seamen in 2019 was a jaunt along the Mekong river from Cambodia to Vietnam. A year later, the three Brits travelled to Réunion island and Madagascar in performance cars. In July of 2021, in the midst of the COVID lockdown, they all got an American muscle car each and drove across Scotland in the amusingly titled Lochdown. And then, in December 2021, The Grand Tour released their fourth special, Carnage a Trois, where the trio drive throughout England and Wales to ask and answer the question, what is the matter with the French?
What’s the Problem with Carnage a Trois?
Carnage a Trois is typical Clarkson, May, and Hammond. The “car” portion of their “car show” has gotten looser and looser with each of these Grand Tour specials. The trio aren’t really there for the cars, and truth be told, a lot of the audience probably isn’t either.
But here’s the problem with Carnage a Trois.
Having been together as a trio and presenting a motoring show for almost 18 years, a lot has already been said and done. In fact, it even feels like the hosts are getting bored (or lazy) with the writing of the show. None of the situations they find themselves in feel natural. They just feel badly written. There is so much reliance on the past 18 years of this relationship that the “Hammond crashes car” bit has become a bit. He doesn’t actually crash that helicopter car, they just pretend that he does.
I get it. The Grand Tour isn’t a documentary series. It’s a reality show. And as such, it is scripted to a certain extent. Sure the unexpected happens, but by and large, a lot of these episodes are planned to within an inch of their lives.
Here’s the Problem with Carnage a Trois!
The problem with Carnage a Trois is that it’s beginning to feel too scripted. The magic of the trio’s Top Gear specials had always been the emotional journey that these three guys take. Yes, they made fun of the locals, and yes they did get chased out of Argentina, but there was nevertheless a moving and emotional arc. There was danger and fun to be had. Laughs and maybe some tears. There would be infighting, bullying, and risk, but at the end of it all, the three would have accomplished something (anything) and that would be the victory.
Carnage a Trois never really had any of that. Sure, the guys driving three high performance vehicles through the Madagascar jungle was most definitely a bit, but there was nevertheless some peril and some adventure to it. Here, the three guys going off road in three French family vehicles, just to drive home the joke that French people don’t treat their cars preciously, felt tired way too soon.
Yes, Richard Hammond has had his fair share of vehicular accidents. And quite a few of them have left him worse for wear. But having him crash a helicopter car off camera just because it’s Richard Hammond, and seems like a Richard Hammond thing to do, does not make for a very good joke.
There was one bit of the episode (film?) that truly made me roll my eyes hard. While talking about the racing heritage of French cars, the three guys find themselves at a rally cross circuit in Kent. Here, in typical Top Gear/Grand Tour fashion, they would race around to find out who amongst them was the best/fastest. This time, however, they would be joined by three others. Not anyone famous mind you. Just a French production assistant from the Grand Tour production office, the script editor (because he wrote this bit), and the Grand Tour in-house racing driver. Now, what should have been an exciting race around the track, immediately descended into a series of lame jokes against the French.
As soon as the race kicks off, a race steward raises a flag and signals lunch. So everyone stops, gets out of their vehicles, do lunch, and knock on the French some more. The trio takes this time to talk about weird French laws, argue about which Peugeot hot hatch was the better one, and take a nap.
Later on in the race, the guys happen to notice that their stewards had begun to leave their posts to take part in a street demonstration. This “demonstration” ends in a full blown riot where the stewards attack and set fire to a police vehicle. Having sated their bloodlust, the stewards return to their posts for the race to continue.
Knock Knock…
What I’m trying to say here is that none of that was funny. The jokes were not so much signposted, as the punchlines were outright explained. (Presumably because someone in the production felt that with the show airing on Amazon Prime and not on the BBC, meant that an international audience may not grasp the anti-French jokes.)
Most alarmingly though, very little of it felt honest. Despite all the jokes, and the fast driving, and the beautiful scenery. Despite the crashes, and the insults, and the pranks. Previous The Grand Tour efforts were honest. They felt like an adventure where the audience discovered a little bit about cars, something about the country these three Brits had found themselves in, and learnt a lot about the guys themselves. From almost dying driving up the Andes, to driving over the most dangerous roads, there was always something more to it.
In Carnage a Trois, all we learnt was that these three guys really didn’t like the French. And that maybe the three of them weren’t that interested in doing these things anymore.
Just give me Season 2 of Clarkson’s Farm already.
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