Throughout the annals of literary history, there have been many characters that we have grown to cherish. Paddington Bear. Peter Rabbit. Curious George. The Cat in the Hat. The list goes on and on, but none are quite as popular, or as adored, as perhaps the silly ol’ bear Winnie the Pooh. Ever since author A.A. Milne penned Pooh’s first adventure in 1924, the world fell in love with this little bear and his gang in the Hundred Acre Wood. But with the rights to these characters coming into the public domain last year, the innocent, wholesome image that we all know and love has now been unceremoniously tainted with the stain that is Winnie the Pooh : Blood and Honey.
Admittedly, I was a little intrigued when word first came out that someone was making a horror movie featuring these characters. Winnie the Pooh is a character that is very close to my heart, but as much as I love him, the notion of him being portrayed in a slightly different light held something of an appeal. I’m always looking for new takes on characters and stories. This wasn’t going to be a permanent change. A one-off thing could be fun and wouldn’t really do much to tarnish my childhood.
Boy was I wrong.
Burn It! Burn It With Fire!
The film opens with the kind of narration and hand drawn imagery that we have come to expect from a Winnie the Pooh story. The only difference is that it doesn’t quite go the way you expect it to. Instead of stuffed animals, we learn that a young Christopher Robin had befriended a group of crossbreeds (yep, you read that right) in the Hundred Acre Wood. He grows up and eventually leaves to pursue a career in medicine, and in his absence, the Wood turns into a barren wasteland, leaving Pooh and the gang stranded and starving.
It’s at this point that they do the unimaginable by mudering Eeyore in cold blood and eating his remains. After that horrific incident, they all turn feral and develop a hatred, not just toward Christopher Robin, but all human beings. This is where our story begins, and to be honest, that’s as much story as you are going to get with this one.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love me a good (even bad) B-grade horror flick. You know, the kind of movie that even at its worst can be enjoyed for what it is. Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey is just so bad it’s bad. Featuring a cast of sub-par actors, the kind gore and violence that would make the Saw franchise cringe, as well as completely unwarranted, unearned, and unnecessary flashes of skin and nudity. If there was some sort of overarching story, it might have helped to sew all of these moments together. Unfortunately it’s just 84 minutes of Pooh and Piglet terrorizing humans, with lots of gratuitous screaming. That’s it.
Stop This Madness!
All of this made the whole experience incredibly dull. Every moment was dreadfully predictable. It’s as if the directors read a Wikipedia article of horror movie tropes and took it from there. I get that they were trying to emulate such 80’s classics such as Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th, but they seem to have completely missed the artistry of those movies. Where they Oscar winning stories? No. (They should have been!) But they knew how to use cinematic method not just to scare us, but to capture our imaginations, and create horror icons.
There are many, many issues with this movie, but the biggest one if that it never does justify its reason for being. Why did it need to be made in the first place? Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey feels more like one of those SNL parody trailers that we get from time to time. There is barely enough here to make a compelling three minute trailer, let alone a feature film.
Throughout this movie, there was absolutely no justification as to why these characters needed to be used in such a way. If there was, this would have been a much better movie. Smarter filmmakers would have found a way to subvert that fairy tale and mined it for darkness. (Which, let’s be fair, is in every fairy tale!) All this movie relies on is the shock value of a poorly conceived and badly executed “What If?”
Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey is the kind of idea that a bunch of frat bros come up with while stupidly drunk one night at the bar. It’s basic. It’s not very clever. And it’s something that soberness and the harsh light of day should have put an end to. God knows it should have never gotten this far.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go hug my favorite Pooh plush and cry myself to sleep for having had to sit through this travesty.
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