Well, that was surely something alright. Violent Night, the new action-thriller from director Tommy Wirkola absolutely delivers in it’s promise of a blood red Christmas, all led by the best Santa Claus ever to be put on screen.
There is no reason to hold anything back in this review. God knows the filmmakers didn’t, so I might as well make a go at it myself. Violent Night is a violent film. No, I take that back. It isn’t just violent. It is ultra violent. This isn’t a family Christmas movie. This is a Christmas movie for a group of adults who want to get together to watch Santa vomit, piss, and shotgun a can of beer in his sled on Christmas Eve. This is that kind of Christmas movie and this is that kind of Santa Claus. The kind of Santa that is almost done with Christmas. The kind of Santa who is going about his work delivering gifts with all the enthusiasm of a postal worker the week before he goes postal.
Violent Night
I’d like to take a minute to talk about Violent Night‘s Santa Claus. Mostly because David Harbour plays tired very well. From Jim Hopper, to Hellboy, to Red Guardian, David Harbour’s niche is that guy who’s done, seen, or said too much, and is regretting ever getting out of bed. David Harbour’s jaded Santa Claus is believable and relatable, and most importantly, immediately likeable. Yes he is a little rough around the edges, but he gets the job done and you gotta respect the guy for that.
Violent Night plays out like an updated, grittier, John Wickier version of that other Christmas classic, Die Hard. A wealthy family full of Succession-esque assholes, is taken hostage by a group of mercenaries who want to rob them of their ill-gotten gains, and a hungover Santa Claus is the only person that can save them. Along the way, much blood is shed, and many a Christmas ornament is turned into a killing implement. What the filmmakers were able to do with all the cultural touchstones of the holiday is something to be marvelled at, from a candy cane stabbing, to a tree topper star in the eye, an ice skate beheading, and a snowball pitched to the face. Hell, there’s even a grenade shoved down the back of someone’s shorts.
Holey Night
To be fair to director Tommy Wirkola, it’s in the name of the movie. But what I wasn’t expecting was how violent this movie was going to be. There are Home Alone style traps (the little girl in Violent Night just saw Home Alone the night before so it’s only natural), but all of them are taken to the most violent nth degree. A nail through the jaw, followed by that same nail through the forehead by way of a bowling ball, is made slightly weirder when followed by a gleeful giggle by a sweet seven year old girl.
This is a movie that knows you’re only there for its promise. The promise of drill bits and nails to the back, sledgehammers to the head, and electrocution by way of Christmas lights. There is a story here, there is a reason that all of this is happening, but let’s face it, it’s no Jimmy Stewart classic. What it does, however, is keep things moving along to the next big kill. There is enough of a dastardly villain with enough of a dastardly back story to give the movie justification. There is enough of a Santa origin story to introduce Skullcrusher. And all of it is enough to keep the audience interested until the next big mauling.
And it is enough. Violent Night is fun Christmas counter programming. And if you’ve ever wondered how Santa gets up and down chimneys, and how he is able to use that magic to kill someone, then by Saint Nick this is the movie for you.
But for the love of all that is holy, please, I beg you, leave the kids at home.
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