Hello, it’s me again, your Feisty Indian Aunty who has travelled and lived-in quite a few different countries and knows the pain of adaptability and trying to fit into a culture that she was not at all comfortable in. My first experience should not have been all that difficult because I went to India to study. Now how different could that be? I speak Tamil. I am religious. I was aware of all the many Gods we pray to. Surely I’d fit right in.
Boy, was I wrong! College life was confusing. The students were all from different towns, and cities, and states. Sure, they could speak English. But all off them also spoke different languages and dialects. They were Indian, but it felt like each one of them had their own individual culture. It took them a better part of six months to get used to me – an English-speaking Tamil of Hindu origin.
After that, your Feisty Indian Aunty went to England to live for two years. England was no stranger to us. Weren’t we once ruled by them? My first few weeks there, however, showed me just how difficult it can be for an Asian to adjust and adapt in a foreign country. The English were a silent lot. The weather was a popular conversation starter. And a curt nod would be the best – and only – greeting you’d get if you caught their eye.
Watching Never Have I Ever on Netflix was a particularly moving experience for me. (Needless to say I was hooked and binge watched all 11 episodes in one sitting.) The show reminded me of my years living in the U.K. and the troubles I had with my young daughter who was just starting school over there.
She was barely seven. She was about to attend school in Beckenham. And she could barely speak a word of English. She didn’t have the same teenage complications as Devi, but being the only brown girl in an all white, all English school, did come with its own issues. The struggle to fit in is real. And I was forced to deal with questions of race, religion, and identity a lot earlier that I thought I would.
And if you think that’s rough, imagine what she went through once she came back to Malaysia, as an Indian girl, in a government school, speaking with an English accent. It was, in many ways, far worse for her here than it was over there.
Watching Never Have I Ever, I really felt for Devi Vishwakumar – a talented, brilliant, and nerdy sophomore – who goes to the U.S. with her family, only to lose her favoured parent, resulting in a shock that leaves her wheelchair bound for a few months. Her struggles in dealing with her father’s death, her emotional rollercoaster with her dearest friends, her avid competition with her nemesis, the brilliant and sarcastic Ben Cross, and her crazy attraction to the Paxton Hall-Yoshida – the handsome hot hunk who isn’t the brightest spark around – were all incredibly relatable on so many different levels.
Like all Asian parents, Devi’s mother, who was widowed suddenly, is a doctor. She is a deeply religious, superstitious Hindu, who has complete control of Devi and her academic ambitions. I feel for you Nalini Vishwakumar. I know how you sounded when you told your daughter “no kissing and no sex.” I told my daughter that if she had sex before her wedding the “sacred fire” will turn green knowing that she is not a virgin. And I even controlled her savoir s’habiller.
Never Have I Ever was enjoyable for me as it showed how difficult it is for anyone, from anywhere in the world, to adjust when they move to live in another country. The world is a cultural mosaic and adjustment is paramount. What’s more, unless your ability to adjust, adapt, and adopt is visible, you will never be content and you will end up like the proverbial “frog in the well.”
Follow Us