In keeping with the practices of this spooky season, I figured I should treat myself to a scary movie. And so, I sat down and began my adventure with Barbarian, or “Justin Long’s new movie,” as it was originally marketed to us. The more time passed, however, the more I was being sucked into a hole I did not want to go down. A journey that left me with more questions than answers. An experience, so incredibly frustrating, it left me wondering why I spent the last 102 minutes watching this madness.
Barbarian starts off simple enough. Tess Marshall (Georgina Campbell) arrives at her Airbnb only to discover that it was double booked and occupied by Keith Toshko (Bill Skarsgård). After coming to an agreement, they begin staying in the house together, when spooky shit starts to happen. Then we suddenly find actor A.J. Gilbride (Justin Long), recently accused of rape, moving into said house, when spooky shit starts to happen. There’s a bit of a pattern. But that is essentially the story in a nutshell.
Confusion Confounded
This is a movie that is confused over what it wants to be. It’s marketed as a straight up horror film, but feels more like a thriller with some horror elements. Now this is by no means a bad thing, but when you throw in more comedic moments than you need, and something of a blossoming love story at the beginning, it tends to feel a little too mixed together.
Even the horror elements in the movie felt incredibly predictable, leaving me with a just a sign every time something spooky happens. There aren’t any jump scares here, just sitting down silences.
Throughout the entire experience, the five words that kept popping into my head were: “What the fuck’s going on?” Now a phrase like this can go both ways. It could mean something good. It could also mean something terrible. And in this case, it was unfortunately the latter. Each progression of the story just kept getting more and more confusing, right down to the last 10 minutes. There was a moment when I looked at the time stamp nearing the end of the film and screamed: “WHAT THE FUCK’S GOING ON?”
Listen, I get what they’re going for. But God help me, films like Mandy and Midsommar are perfect examples of when this sort of formula works. With Barbarian, however, it almost felt like it was trying to be fucked up simply for the sake of it.
Seriously, What the Fuck Is Going On?
Pacing was yet another issue. Suspense is, of course, incredibly important for a horror film. It builds up and surrounds you in an energy that’s ripe for scaring. But this? It just felt slow. When are we actually getting to the point dammit? And when we finally do, I was just sitting there thinking, “So wait, this isn’t a story about ghosts and a weird, naked, milk loving monster in the basement, but actually a story about…inbreeding? Spoiler alert, yep, inbreeding! “WHAT THE FUCK’S GOING ON?”
I don’t get why Barbarian has been getting the raves it has. What do 92% of people on Rotten Tomatoes see that I don’t? Why did this movie not impress me? Maybe that’s the genius of film. Not everyone has to get it. This certainly wasn’t my thing. Maybe it’s yours. If you love a little bit of messed up horror, inked with a moderate amount of dark humour, then Barbarian is right up your alley. But I can confidently say, with a 100% certainty, that this was possibly the weirdest, most underwhelming story I’ve seen this year. What the fuck did I just watch?
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