Watching Baby Reindeer, I was reminded of Blanche DuBois from A Streetcar Named Desire and her line, “Whoever you are – I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.” It is a sentiment that applies perfectly to this story’s Martha Scott, a former lawyer turned stalker. While boisterous Martha may seem poles apart from Blanche the genteel Southern belle, they have a lot in common. Both women, on the cusp of middle age, are emotionally volatile and struggle with mental illness. Both develop unhealthy fixations with younger men. And both are vulnerable to the kindness of strangers. When Martha receives a tiny act of kindness from bartender Donny Dunn, who offers her a “cuppa” on the house, it’s enough to send her spiraling into obsession.
Donny, a stand-up comic struggling to make it big in London with his one-man comedy act, has instead found himself in a cast of millions in his own life story. So when Martha walks into the bar where he works and is immediately captivated by him, Donny can’t help but humour her.
For a while, Martha’s good for him. Laughter is infectious, and when Martha attends Donny’s cringe comedy act, her enthusiasm is the boost he needs to get the audience going. So Donny tolerates her, even as she drags him through her various stages of stalking, from infatuation to desperation, then denial, and finally, terrifying rage.
I went into Baby Reindeer expecting a dark comedy. I wasn’t, however, prepared for just how dark or just how powerful it got. You can’t stop watching as Martha wrecks Donny’s life, overwhelming him with endless messages (hilariously misspelt), catcalling, following him, and then outright endangering herself, Donny, and the people he loves.
I also never expected Baby Reindeer to be such an emotional education on stalking. Without being preachy, the show explores the many dimensions of stalking, from abuse to self-harm, and the psychological trauma that being stalked causes. The show treats these difficult experiences with rare insight and sensitivity.
Through Donny, we learn why people being stalked might be unwilling to confront or even report their stalkers. Many victims like Donny struggle to express how their stalker’s behaviour threatens them. Instead, they feel ashamed of their powerlessness or even pity for their stalker. Donny minimises Martha’s actions, which allows the abuse to escalate.
Even when he eventually seeks help, the legal system’s unfairly skewed views are a barrier. Donny gets frustrated that the police feel the power differentials in female-to-male stalking mean the risk of physical harm to men is negligible. Having been groped by Martha, Donny knows how degrading sexual assault is regardless of gender. After the experience, he was furious at her for making him feel less human and at himself for freezing.
In the end, Donny finds sympathy and support from a surprising source: his tough-as-nails, alpha male dad, Gerry. In one of the show’s most wrenching scenes, Donny confesses to his parents about being raped by an older man, and his terror that his family will now think less of him as a man. In a beautifully tender and surprisingly underwritten moment of connection, Gerry reaffirms his son’s manhood by reminding the broken boy that he grew up in the Catholic church.
Those wanting to know the meaning of “baby reindeer” must wait until the end. In the final moments of Episode 7, Donny sits at a bar listening to a voice message from Martha where she expresses why Donny is her “baby reindeer” and how much he means to her. As Donny weeps for his lost nemesis, he realises he has left his wallet and can’t pay for his drink. So the kind bartender gives it to him on the house.
I’ve seen speculation online that Donny might now start stalking the bartender. But that misses the point entirely. Donny isn’t about to replicate Martha’s harmful behaviour. Instead, he has come full circle emotionally. He’s put in Martha’s position and realises how his one small act of kindness when she was at her lowest meant the world to her.
At its heart, empathy is what keeps Baby Reindeer grounded amidst all the chaos. The show never gives viewers the luxury of taking the moral high ground or judging Martha or Donny, not even when they do the most self-destructive things. Instead, Baby Reindeer uses the full rainbow of human emotions to explore why hurt people hurt people.
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