I have always had a love-hate relationship with Hollywood adaptations of Stephen King novels. While some can be real gems (see: IT and The Green Mile), others are sometimes less than favorable (see: The Dark Tower and The Stand). It’s just incredibly tricky to pull of King’s signature style. And so, when I saw the trailer for Mr. Harrigan’s Phone, I was understandably a little hesitant. Sure, it seemed intriguing, but how were they going to pull off adapting this relatively short story into a full length feature. Could Ryan Murphy and Blumhouse pull it off? After all, King, Murphy, and Blumhouse sound like they would be the perfect trifecta of horror. Maybe this collaboration would bless us with an unexpected gift? After watching this movie, I would very much like to give that gift back please.
The trailer made this thing look like a thrilling horror ride in the same vein as perhaps the J-horror classic One Missed Call. Throw in the masterful Donald Sutherland as the films namesake and it seemed like the perfect recipe for a classic Stephen King horror adventure. But it was all lies.
A Snail’s Pace
Usually, at this point, I would try to provide a little synopsis in order to help you understand what this movie is all about. Only I’m still a little confused. What I understood was this. A young boy, Craig (Jaeden Martell), works for a rich man, Mr. Harrigan (Donald Sutherland), by reading him books. Then one day Mr. Harrigan dies and Craig begins to receive phone calls and texts from… Mr. Harrigan. Yes, that’s right, he’s talking to him from beyond the grave. Then strange deaths begin to occur. And that’s… pretty much it.
Besides the unnecessarily meandering plot, the other big offender throughout this whole experience would definitely be the pacing. This movie is excruciatingly slow. Sure, in terms of character development and backstory, director John Lee Hancock has done a fantastic job helping us understand and flesh out both his leads. But what is the point when the main plot doesn’t actually start until we’re an hour into the film? (I wish I was joking. But no. I checked the time stamp.) It felt like an eternity.
The only reason I stuck it through (besides having to write this review) was Donald Sutherland and Jaeden Martell. Martell excels as the young teen navigating his way through the world, struggling to find his place and meaning. He is definitely your way point into this film. He is relatable in a lot of ways, as the young man who never quite fit in, and the only comfort in his life being the books, love, and care of Mr. Harrigan.
Sutherland is the perfect man for this job. He was able to maneuver his way through this mediocrity with charm and wit, all the while maintaining an air of mystery that kept me watching.
But was it enough? Not really.
No Ghosting Here
At its heart, Mr. Harrigan’s Phone is a metaphor about our reliance of technology and how this addiction might lead to our eventual demise as a society. Our phones are things that we cannot live without and yet they have also grown beyond our control. The movie wants to be this harsh reminder of how technology is the greatest yet most dangerous part of our lives now. But these 106 minutes fail to make that point well. John Lee Hancock would have been better off just putting up a title card that told us what we was trying to do, because God knows I had more questions than answers by the end of it.
I wish I had better things to say about Mr. Harrigan’s Phone. I really do. I genuinely wanted to like this film. But alas, you can’t win them all. All I’m doing right now is trying to come up with a snappy quip to end this article. “Never trust your phones!” “You never know who’ll call you next!” But just like the film itself, I’m not going to give you that satisfaction.
Hey Netflix. I want my money back.
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